Why Do Men and Women Cheat?
प्रकाशित मिति : माघ २९, २०७५ मंगलबार
- -Rajan Thapaliya, New York
Marriage is becoming less sacred by the day and many people have forgotten the real meaning of marriage and are ready to violate their marriage vows without even giving it a thought. Cheating is no longer new in many marriages, as men are becoming “smarter” and women too are indulging in this practice. This is the major reason for the failure of close to 50% of marriages in the US. Social media site like IllicitEncounters.com and AshleyMadison.com are making hundreds of millions of dollars by hooking up married people who are ready to cheat on their partners.
How did we get here? How did two love birds who couldn’t do without each other start cheating on each other without even thinking? You’re just about to find out the causes of infidelity in marriages. This may be the best article you’ll read this year, as it will also show you the way out of this poisonous trap.
Men and women cheat for various reasons. One of these reasons is that they have different physiological and psychological needs. Reasons for infidelity are numerous, but the underlying reasons why married people cheat is because their needs are not met. When a man cannot derive the satisfaction that he needs, he will become frustrated and might look outside marriage. Most of the time, he won’t find it in the woman he first indulges with, and then he goes on to the next, and then another one, till he can no longer control himself.
The woman can also be the culprit; she can look outside marriage for the satisfaction of her needs too.
A person will most likely cheat when:
He is Immature
A man might have an affair because he thinks he’ll be fine as long as no one finds out, or he might feel that he isn’t hurting her as long as she does not find out. He does not understand that spouses almost always know when something is fishy in their marriage. He doesn’t understand that she’s going to find out, and when she does, it won’t be funny.
He is Damaged
Some men have might have had some experience in the past which has caused them to be unable to fully commit to a single person. These men may have suffered from severe psychological or sexual abuse from the past. Many men have become badly damaged because of the neglects and abusive experiences they suffered during their formative years. He may try to use sexual intensity and wildness as a way to escape from his psychological and emotional pain.
He has Unreasonable Expectations
Many men approach marriage with unrealistic expectations. They conceive some ridiculous fantasies in their minds and expect their spouses to match up with the realities in their head. These men believe that their wives should meet their emotional and sexual needs, 24/7, without fail. In his self-centered view, he has failed to understand that his wife may be struggling with different responsibilities and roles in the marriage. When he feels that his spouse fails to meet up with his expectations, he feels entitles to seek intimate attention outside marriage.
He Gets Bored
He might be bored or overworked, and feels deserving of something selfish and special that is just for him alone. Thus, he turns to hiring prostitutes, watching porn, or having extramarital affairs. Or maybe he wants some more attention from his spouse and he thinks that pulling away will cause her to comply.
He is Confused about Love
He might have no idea about love, and might feel that every single feeling he has towards the opposite sex must be attended to. He does not understand that a truly loving relationship is not just about attraction, but about long-term attachment, connectedness, commitment, honesty, and emotional intimacy.
He is addicted
He might have a serious problem with decision- making due to alcoholism or drug abuse. Men who abuse drugs, or take excessive alcohol, or even men who have problems associated with weak will power, like gambling, usually struggle with infidelity. Alcoholism and drug abuse makes men struggle with the problem of sexual compulsivity, making them use sexual activity as an escape route or a way to “self-medicate” themselves and escape uncomfortable emotions to dissociate from the pains of their psychological conditions.
He Wants Out
When a man really wants to end his current relationship badly, he might use external romantic activities to end it, so that his wife will find out and “quit on him.”
Some men indulge extramarital affairs because they’re insecure, or because they don’t quite “connect” with their spouse. Many men find solace in the bosoms of other women because they believe they understand their cheating partners more. They believe that they’re more emotionally or sexually compatible with their cheating partners.
The woman, however, usually does not have these kinds of problems, but these does not mean that she’s free from infidelity in marriage. She has her needs too, and if she doesn’t see the marriage as a source of fulfillment to her, she might consider an alternative outside of marriage.
A woman may cheat on her spouse if:
She Feels She Is not Loved
For her, it is not just about sex, sex, sex. A woman wants a relationship where she feels loved and wanted. She wants a man who will cherish her, adore her, and treat her like she matters, a man who will open the door to the car, who will kiss her
hands, who will make her feel like a girl again. She wants more than a husband; she wants a friend, someone she can always talk to. And then Joe at work might appear to provide a shoulder to cry on. She’ll try and reciprocate the kind gestures by becoming more open to another man… and she won’t mind opening her legs when the time comes.
Her Man is not Always Available
A man that is not often physically or emotionally present for his wife and family risks pushing her into extramarital affairs. When a man is not physically available, there’s a void in the relationship. This void must be attended to. The woman has needs, and if these needs, such as emotional and sexual needs, are not attended to appropriately, then she might consider trying to satisfy herself out there.
There is a Lack of Communication
A woman wants more than a husband; she wants a friend. She wants someone she can always report events in her life to, she wants someone she can always make some small talk with. Jessica has been on her nerves all day at work, so she wants someone who she can go and complain about Jessica to. She wants someone who understands her, or even a “mind reader” who can read her when she isn’t talking.
She Craves Intimacy
She doesn’t exactly want sex, she wants intimacy. She wants someone who just appreciates being close. She wants someone who wants to just be with her and chat with her all day. She wants an ever present “other half.” Someone who does not see her as just a sex object, but rather someone who truly wants to connect.
She Wants Revenge
She has caught him red handed and has had her heart broken, so she can’t forget the picture. It is always recurring in her mind. This kind of situation is most likely to make a woman make up her mind to throw herself out, not because she really wants to be wild, but because she sees it as a sort of revenge. She might even do it with people that she ordinarily does not want to be with. She could cheat with the driver who takes her to work, her intern, or any available Bob.
The nature of cheating in a relationship can vary between the sexes. While men cheat for the fun of it, or have a one-night stand to release their sexual tension, it goes beyond a sexual affair and becomes an emotional affair for a woman and such is the reason why a woman is more likely to turn an affair into a relationship. This is simply because women’s needs are different. Though there seems to be a discrepancy in the nature of reasons behind people’s extramarital affairs, there is only one underlying cause of cheating which is unmet needs.