‘My Dad Is My Biggest Fan And Hero Of My World’ – Dr. Bishnu Maya Pariyar
प्रकाशित मिति : माघ ७, २०७५ सोमबार
When mom sometimes screamed at us, Dad used to tear up and he used to say, “Don’t do anything to my daughters”
The unforgettable moments spent with my dad rekindle many aspects of life, remedies, and eternal memories. My father is no longer in this world, and I always feel bereaved on the loss of his affection and love. However, I will always ardently work to propagate my father vision of equality among human beings. I will make him proud in heavens. He will definitely happy to discover that her daughter played an important role to mitigate the hardships and helped many victims of unjust social discriminations.
My ideal, my dad, Rup Bahadur Pariyar, was a tall, humble, and hardworking person. Unfortunately, our family belonged to the lowest stratum of the caste system; we were untouchable. Just because I belonged to an untouchable family, I faced intense discrimination and prejudice during all my youth. However, the love of my father always solaced me and helped me to face the most inhumane discrimination. Had my dad not supported me and all other sisters, we would not have been so much successful in life despite all the hardships that life posed on us. My dad gave me courage and zeal to fight against this discrimination. In a society, where girls were not considered important and even the birth of a girl was considered a sign of disgrace, our father raised all of us with so much love that I think cannot be expressed by words. Whenever I reminisce the moments spent with my day, I always feel the tenderness of effusive and fervent love of my dad.
When I was in 5th grade, one particular event happened in my life, and that inspires me to work against social discrimination. Our school changed our uniform. The new uniform for boys was a sky blue shirt and blue pants. For girls, the matching skirt was set as a new uniform. My dad was extremely busy to sew for Bistas, people belonging to the higher stratum of society.Bistas would pay my father in crops instead of cash. At that time, we four sisters would go to school. As my father was not very rich, we were living a hand to mouth life. From his very hard earned meager earnings, he could either afford to feed the family or buy us a new uniform. However, he ingeniously resolved the problem. Using the oddments left from skirts sewn for the children of Bistas families, he sewed our new school skirts. We were happy to see our new school uniform. However, happiness doesn’t prove to be long-lasting. Because the skirts were sewn using leftover pieces which were of very different quality, just after a few washing, the colors of the skirts started to fade and so do our happiness. In my school, my fellow friends used to mock on the seemingly motley skirt. They would term my skirt as Nauragni Frak (a mix of nine different colors). It would feel so bad when my fellows used to make fun of my skirt; however, I was aware that my father had considerably worked very hard to send me to school in this uniform. I didn’t let the mocks, jeers, and discrimination to obstruct my path. I worked extremely hard and get a distinctive position in my class. It was not until when I was eight years old that I got the chance to wear fine school clothes. A friend’s dad gave my father hundred rupees as a gift on a great Hindu festival Dashain Tika, and my father bought us all sisters new uniform from this money.
When I came to the USA, I opened Edwin Foundation, an association for the advancement of Dalit women in Nepal. As I have been a victim of caste discrimination during my childhood, I could feel the sufferings from the disgrace, and I understand that countless girls belonging to the lower stratum of the caste system have to bear the brunt not only during their childhood but for the rest of their life. To help pull these girls from the depths of despondency and disgrace, I launched the campaign “Blue Shirt”. My institute has distributed the blue color dresses in the school girls of my village so that every poor girl can go to school in the new uniform. I distributed these uniforms so that no girl in the village have to face embarrassment and disgrace because of her poor quality uniform. I loved the smiles and happiness on the faces of girls when they got their new uniform. The new uniform also boosted the confidence of these girls. Since 1998, more than 23,000 children have benefited from “Blue shirt”. I believed that had I not wear Naurangi Frak, I would never have been able to understand the pain of poverty.
I am blessed. Doesn’t matter what kind of and how many color skirts. Our father never discriminates us because of the daughter in the village. Even after the birth of an eleventh child as a brother, even we did not feel lack of the love and affection of from our Dad.
We were all the world of our father
We were living in a culture where male chauvinism was pervasive. Every man wanted a boy as his child. According to pervasive superstitious believes, the couple having no male child was considered as unlucky. It was considered that a couple without male children cannot go to heaven after death. In such as male chauvinistic society, our father never treated us harshly. The love of our father did not fade even after the birth of eleven children, our brother. He would dote us and treat us with fondness; we were everything for our father. Our father had a gregarious disposition and that’s why he was loved by everyone in our village. He was literate and know how to read and write. So in the village, he would read letters to others and would write letters for other people. In return by GURKHAS Laure, people would give him Blankets, Watches, Rums etc.
At the age of 13, the marriage of my dad with my mom, Kana Maya, was solemnized. It was an arranged marriage. My mother was a very beautiful lady. The ladies of the village would always admire the dazzling beauty of my mother. She bore 10 daughters and one son. My dad and mother loved each other very much. After consecutive births of daughters, some villagers incited my father for the second marriage. However, he did not agree. Once without the consent of my father, the relatives brought a new bride to the house. When my dad knew this, he ran away from home. He was not willing to marry the new bride and ultimately the bride had to be sent back. After I grew up, one day I asked Dad about that incident. Tears flooded the eyes of my father. With his eyes drenched with the tears of fervent loved, he looked at my face and said, ‘For me, you all daughters are all my world.’ You have brought happiness to our lives. I’m glad to be happy with you. It is my duty to keep you happy.
He added, ‘It is not in our hand to give birth to a son or a daughter. My God has given my little fairies in form of my daughters, and I am not discontent with the decisions of my God. If God gave me a son, then it would be more delightful. But if not, I am always happy and satisfied with my seraphic and beautiful daughters.’ The dad was very kind; he never treated us harshly. Even on our silliest mistakes, he would always treat us with love, and he never punished us. In contrast to our dad, our mother was strict and martinet. Sometime she would scold us; however, our father always asked our mother to treat us with love. He would say, ‘Don’t say anything to my daughters.’ Dad always gave love. Today, Whatever I’m it is just because of my father. He has always been and would always be a source of inspiration for me.
Why Untouchable?
I was just 5 or 6 years old. Because at that age I was not admitted to the school, I would play with fellow beloved village friends. One fine afternoon, we were playing in front of a friend’s house when her mother asked everyone to come inside to have lunch. All my friends went inside the home, but I was kept out. At that time, I could not understand that why I was not allowed to eat along with my other friends inside the house? The aunt sent my launch outside. As I was an innocent girl, I forget about it soon after eating the lunch.
When I returned to my house, I asked my Dad that why the aunt gave me lunch outside the house? Rolling out and sewing clothes of “Bists” in the lamp, he replied my fiery you are too little to understand these matters. We are a lower cast and people from lower casts are not allowed to enter in the homes of Bists. When would you grow old and get educated, they would all respect you and everything will get fixed. Through these words, my dad inscribed his vision for me in my mind. These words truly inspired me to struggle indefatigably for success. At that time, I was happy that after becoming an educated person, no aunty would ever stop me from entering her home. However, I realized that I was too little to understand these issues. The world proved to be very cruel. During all the stages of my life, inhumane discrimination shattered my concept of humanity. However, the words of my dad had left an indelible impression on my mind. All the indiscrimination failed to obstruct my determination to turn into reality the vision of my not only about me but also about a world free from social and racial discrimination.
I swear to use the life force for the end of the ethnic, racial, and cast discrimination in a society. I swear that I would leave no stone unturned to turn the vision of my father into reality. I would always struggle for human equality and the end of discrimination.
(Dr. Bishnu Maya Pariyar, who lives in the USA, is active in preventing domestic violence against women and children)
- Presented by Rajan Thapaliya